Spring and early summer...The only thing I want to do is to sit on the grass and watch the world spin. This is also the time of year when my depression seems to always hit hardest. I sometimes think that it is because the weather is so unpredictable. One day it will be glorious enough to make me want to praise life. The next day it will be cold and a dark that is made all the worse for having had such a beautiful day preceding it. Other times I think it is because I can’t do what I want. Let’s face it, the kids can’t quite take care of themselves yet...okay, neither can the house or animals. I find I tend to get very distracted by the roller coaster of wants verses needs. Now that things have calmed down a tad, I can find the balance needed to reconnect with my spiritual work.
Spiritual work really is hard work. It takes discipline and commitment. It is worth the time and energy. I know this in my head and heart, but for what ever reason that doesn’t seem to stop me from putting down the labor of growth from time to time. I find my depression is magnified when I let this side of my life go by the way side. While I know this, it seems to make it all the harder to pick the work back up again. Maybe it is guilt? I get trapped in a miasma of inertia that spins me further down, till all I want is to sleep. Maybe this is my body’s way of getting me ready for a huge growth spurt on the spiritual/emotional side, but mostly I think it is just a cycle that needs to be broken.
I am proud of myself for not letting my trance work slip this time, but my divination progress is officially in the dumps and in desperate need of jumper cables. If you have been following this blog, you may have noticed my writing went a bit by the way side as well. Writing has been difficult, because I couldn’t seem to force myself to sit long enough to get anything down. It is time to find my voice again. It is time for me to get up off my lazy ass and get to work.
Spiritual work really is hard work. It takes discipline and commitment. It is worth the time and energy. I know this in my head and heart, but for what ever reason that doesn’t seem to stop me from putting down the labor of growth from time to time. I find my depression is magnified when I let this side of my life go by the way side. While I know this, it seems to make it all the harder to pick the work back up again. Maybe it is guilt? I get trapped in a miasma of inertia that spins me further down, till all I want is to sleep. Maybe this is my body’s way of getting me ready for a huge growth spurt on the spiritual/emotional side, but mostly I think it is just a cycle that needs to be broken.
I am proud of myself for not letting my trance work slip this time, but my divination progress is officially in the dumps and in desperate need of jumper cables. If you have been following this blog, you may have noticed my writing went a bit by the way side as well. Writing has been difficult, because I couldn’t seem to force myself to sit long enough to get anything down. It is time to find my voice again. It is time for me to get up off my lazy ass and get to work.
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