Last night started with a strong urge and desire for ritual.  I felt the desperate need for spiritual connection with my Gods in a more intense way then the  daily candle lighting with prayer. Lately, I have been feeling as if they want something from me, but I have been unsure what.  I made some whole wheat pita bread, bought a pomegranate, grabbed the alcohol, and the Queen of Heaven incense for offerings.  I followed the full Core Order of Ritual, and asked Hecate to be my gatekeeper.  I figured that I was calling for something rather important, and that meant  a full scale ritual was in order. Form the start, things felt extremely intense. I felt the Theoi were giving me the look of, "About time." 

 I have always been fairly good at keeping at least a light trance during ritual work. This time the trance aspect was much more pronounced.  I felt almost  about to enter that state of trance that tends to better described as visions of a dream like quality.  I felt my vision blur at times, but I never seemed go quite that deep, like something was holding me back.  

I had four Gods in particular that I wanted to speck with: Athena, Dionysus, Hera, and Hades. I asked each in turn if they had a message for me that I needed to hear, and then dew the omens.

Dionysus gave me the reverse Goose ( and, no, this isn't him pinching my boobs as opposed to my ass, but instead the animal... silly people). This one hurt to see.  The meaning of this card is that I have been too overly concerned with my rights, possessions, and territory.  He has been calling me to give up control to him for some time, and I keep saying, "Later."  I don't think, "Later," is going to cut it anymore.  I thought maybe I would dare asking for further clarification on the matter, in hopes that I had read it wrong.  He gave me the Stag in reverse. The Stag in reverse symbolizes a need to examine where pride is either helping or hindering. It also can be drawn as a sign for sacrifice, or purification.  The guide adds, "...perhaps through a letting-go of unnecessary possessions or emotional attachments." His were the only animal cards I drew, the rest came from the Plant Oracle (For those who don't know, I mix the two decks into one large one.  I really like how it works with them combined.)

Athena gave me the Fir Club Moss.  My sweet Lady gave me a true gift with this card. This card is a sign of something that is starting small, but will grow to great power and usefulness. It is a card of initiation.

"...in time you may well look back and realize how much your life has changed because of this one, seemingly small, act... Until now your understanding or perspective on a situation has been impaired, perhaps through lack of emotional distance.  But now it is as if a veil has been drawn aside and unmistakeable clarity has emerged."

What has entered my life during this ritual may seem small, but it will grow, and become something amazing.

Hera gave me Burdock in reverse. This is a card of blame and the need to end the cycle that I tend to fall into.  It is so easy to blame others or myself for every little thing that goes wrong.  I need to stop blaming, find what has gone wrong, or right, find out why, and deal accordingly. The image of the Goose hissing keeps attacking itself to this card in my mind's eye.

Hades gave me flowers. Not just any flowers, but the soothing and calming Chamomile. This is card of rest, calm, and mostly protection. He is calling me to reconnect with my body and soul in ways that will allow for healing and regeneration.  My time at the Fellowship has been wonderful. It feels good to be the go-to person when things need to be done, but at the same time I have been feeling rather disconnected from the group spiritually. I feel burned out and ready to step back.  I have found myself not wanting to go on Sunday mornings, because it is just one more thing I need to do.  It is time for me to take a step back before I find myself walking out the door to never return. I've known this for some time. I am now taking those steps that are needed so that I may rest and rebuild my own spirituality. 

The need to create this space with my Gods  was something I think I have needed for some time now, but was either ignoring, or not recognizing.  Group work is powerful, but I needed this deeper work to be just between us, and with no human on-lookers. My daily prayers and meditations are good, but sometimes more is needed.  I am thinking I need to set time aside to do this more regularly.  Okay, what Druid in their right minds doesn't want more ritual in their lives?

Our recent Beltane ritual was wonderful, and the kids seemed to greatly enjoy the maypole afterwords.  It was nice to have such a wonderful place in which to celebrate this wonderful High Day.  Thanks again Michelle and her amazing family for the use of their land and house.  I just cannot say thank you enough for opening up such a great space for us. There were about 11 adults present to observe the ritual plus a parcel of wipper-shappers running amok between bouts on the rope swing and running inside the house to cool off. The omens we received were wonderful, and as always I am putting them up here for the grove to peruse for deeper meanings and to be more personally explored.  Feel free to add any thought you have on them in the comments.

The Ancestors offered us the frog for this Beltane season.

I see the frog as a symbol of transformation as well as a belonging to the two very different worlds of water (emotions) and land (physical reality). I interpreted this card to mean that the Ancestors were offering us powerful changes and growth. It seems to point somewhat to what the Grove has been, and is what it is becoming.   It has amazed me at how much we have grown in such a short time.  The Grove gained four new members this week (well, one basically was a member already, but now she is officially a dues paying member of ADF). We have gained our legs and are getting ready to step out on to the dry land for those first few exciting steps.

The keywords given in the guide for the frog are: Sensitivity, Medicine, Hidden Beauty and power.

The Nature Spirits gave us the Owl (as opposed to the bird ~rimshot~). I took this to mean that they were offering us Wisdom as we move forward.

The Guide provides the keywords of: Detachment, Wisdom, and Change


The owl is able to work at a time when many other birds are at a loss; night makes it hard for other birds of prey to hunt affectively. Topeka is not the easiest place in the US to be a Pagan (although I don't think it is the hardest either).  I think the owl is offering us a chance to make this disadvantage an advantage. Perhaps, the wisdom given will show us  a way to make the very thing that limits others into a way for growth.

The Gods offered us Garlic (sorry I don't have a picture of the card from the deck to share). I took this to mean they were offering us purification and flavor.

I think the guide backs me up on this interpretation since the keywords are: Purification, Flavour, The Exotic.

"...is it time to introduce something new into your life; something that in the past you had considered too exotic or unconventional, but which is now starting to attract you."

This quote from the guide stands out to me.  After the ritual was over and we were all sitting around and enjoying cupcakes, and other yummies, the question was raised (and not by me), about becoming a Provisional/Chartered Grove.  WE have talked about it a tad in recent meetings, but this was taken to the whole group.  It seemed right to just go ahead and let everyone vote.  We talked a bit about what would be needed on our part and it was decided that we want to move forward and become a full Chartered Grove, hopefully by our one year anniversary on Lughnasa.  With this in mind, we elected our first officers.  I will still act as Senior Druid, but we have a Purse Warden and Scribe now.  Congrats to Deb and Mollie, I know you will both do a great job.

I know I get odd looks when I say this, but since I am typing this and can’t see your face... Hades is one of my patrons.  He has come to me in the most gentle spirit, and I have fallen in love.    

He is keeper of our dead and rewarder of those who walked justly in life, and this is something I think gets forgotten about.  Elysium is his, as well as Tartarus.  All those images of Heaven that Christians talk about, yeah those are Elysium, and gold bricked roads make more sense when you are the owner of all the riches in the ground.

I would like to take the time to remind everyone that he is not just a God of death (actually, he isn’t a God of death so much, since that is Thanatos, but is instead the ruler of the dead, which is very different), but is the God of all the riches in the Earth.  This would include that rather dark stuff that is used to propel our cars forward down the road, the sparklies on our gold and silver jewelry, as well as all those lovely stones that we use in various ways in Pagan circles.

Hades has given me a calling. He has been kind and patient as I work out how best to complete this task he has given me.  He has called me to aid those who are passing from this world and into the next.  He asked me to show compassion and to provide support as others take this journey that in the end we all take.  Just as Hades wept to the music of Orpheus, he has called me to sing to the tears of those left behind, and ease their loved ones.

Hades 
Protector of our dead
first born 
the one who makes life possible
without death there is no life
Hades I sing to you my love
I have seen your tears
I know your compassion
Hades
giver of great wealth
be with us as we pass
provide for us a place
when we take our last
Hades 
Protector of our dead

With astronomical Beltane just around the corner, my mind is turning toward the holidays, and what they have come to mean to me. When I first stepped out onto the Pagan path, I started my walk with the 8 Sabbaths being my way to prove my commitment to myself. Holidays have always been religiously tied in my mind, and by experiencing the wheel of the year, I figured I would get a feel for what this new religion was all about.  

The first holiday I celebrated was Lughnasa. For this holiday my family (even the rather bewildered spouse) went into the backyard and held a picnic in the garden.  I remember talking to the kids about what the harvest meant.  I had made a loaf of bread and we chatted about where the wheat had come from to make it. Well, by we, I mean husbandman and myself.  The kids were so young, I doubt much of it went in.  Aria wasn’t even really talking much then. Those first years I left much of the religious stuff out of the family holiday celebrations, but I slowly added more every year.

After starting the Grove, the kids began to experience the High Days with rituals as well as our family discussions. They have come to understand that the holidays are religious times as well as times of growth, cold, harvest, or just really big dinner nights.  Aria has come to adore giving sacrifices to the Nature Spirits, and often asks about which Deities we will be celebrating.  She is still bummed that we don’t do group rituals with Isis or Horus, but she understands that we can still do that as a family; just not with the Grove. 

My children are growing up with holidays that are very much different from what I had.  I hope that they feel the deeper sense of connection to the world and its rhythms that I have come to experience as we celebrate.  The holidays have indeed been a way into a deeper understanding of my faith and the world.  Just as ritual often speaks to that deeper, unconscious self, the holidays speak to my soul in a language so profound that words would be meaningless.  


My extended family (MIL, Parents, ect.) still do not know that we celebrate these times of year, and this makes what we do a tad downplayed.  The kids understand that the grandmas and grandpa don’t have the same special times of year.  I feel very sad about this, but also don’t want to deal with the headache that would ensue should we be more open.  It just feels as if we are somehow ashamed of what we celebrate, and I don’t want the kids to think that what we do is somehow wrong.  So, the question this Beltane is whether to come out or not?  Again, not so sure it is worth the headache, since we don’t have much interaction with my ‘rents, and Hubby’s mom kinda has a sense of what we do, even if she doesn’t completely know what it is about (mainly because I think she just doesn’t want to know.  I think she still is hoping this is just a passing phase and that we’ll come back to Jesus eventually). Everyone else in my life knows. Hell, I’ve given sermons (that is with a ‘s’) on Paganism at our Church. Maybe it is disrespectful not to tell them, or maybe it is just better this way.  It is definitely easier.

I am picking my divination back up.  Tonight I asked what messages the Kindreds wish to give me.

The Ancestors gave me the Raven in reverse. This is a call to deal with my own darkness, my own destructive tendencies.  Recently a friend of mine started a diet game.  To earn some of the points we have to give up one bad habit.  I have slated my negative self talk as the habit I want gone from my life.  Two days into the game and this is a huge struggle for me. So much so, that I am wondering if I have bitten off more than I can handle.  This card makes me feel as if I am on the right track in what I need to be dealing with.  Raven is also one of my spirit animals. He seems to consistently watch over me when I am in deep trance, acting as guide and occasional head tho-whopper when I need it.  I try to listen to him as much as I can, because he has always led me true.  Thinking this card is going to be a good excuse for some journey work tonight.

The Nature Spirits gave me the fern in reverse. The guide book says this card in reverse is a symbol of self-effacement... beginning to sense a theme here, LOL.

"Feelings of no one noticing you or paying attention," are not exactly accurate for how I feel.  I really don't think I need more attention than I have.  Perhaps this is a call to go into the quiet a bit more? To be that small delicate life on the forest floor, that grows in the shadows of such big things as trees.  Ferns are healing plants, and powerful even though they are small.  I think I will ask about this one tonight while in trance.

“The interpretations should not be read as predictions, but should be used to provide words of advice, insights into the inner dynamics behind events," are the words I am trying to keep in mind while using these cards.

The Theoi have given me the Crane in reverse.  Guess I'm just a backwards kinda gal tonight.

"The 'shadow' side of the crane is manifested as harshness, meanness, and a nagging, complaining disposition... Ask yourself to  what extent you are denying the wise woman who has knowledge of death and the underworld within yourself, and to what extent your negative behavior may be a reflection of this denial."

I read this as a call to look into why I am so naggy, and mean to myself.  What darkness am I trying to ignore, that then turns around and bites me with such hateful ways? Is there more to this than just bad brain chemistry?  Is there something buried that needs to be brought into balance?  Hmmmm