Growth is one of things that I tend to wonder about. I wonder how on Earth it happens at all, and how best to measure it?  How do I make it happen, if I even can make it happen? Spiritual growth is extremely hard to quantify, at least for me.  I am never sure what to measure it against.  

After moving to my new religion, I measured my new growth against the feelings and experiences of the old. This doesn’t really satisfy, because the old religion of my childhood ain't the religion I have come to embrace. The new experiences, in many ways, are not as intense, but they are a great deal deeper and more meaningful (not to mention frequent).  My childhood religion was re-enforced by everyone around me, even by the greater culture at large, but the new is more of a solitary venture in many ways.  The old defined who I was by what I believed, the new doesn’t really seem to care too overly much what I believe.

Who I am as a Druid is not defined by my beliefs, while at the same time those beliefs are exceptionally important to me personally. My actions, my way of doing ritual, my daily practice... these are the things that define me and make me a Druid.  Actions are physical manifestations of beliefs, but sometimes the actions help to foster a new way of thinking. 

My daily practice has been this type of "action creating belief."  I light the candle and pray.  I feel the presence of the spirits and I begin to believe they are with me. When I let my daily practice stop, I begin to feel the distance begin to seep in. 

They say Paganism is an experiential faith, so how do you experience it? How do you define your own spiritual growth?

Sweet Mother Gaia, everything starts with her.  Life, both mundane and divine, owes its existence to the ground below our feet. Tiny, little adjustments to the tilt of our planet, the amount of water, how far she swings from the sun, makes all that we experience on this world possible.  We are her children, but it is not just us who call her mother.  The Gods and nature spirits owe the Earth Mother a debt for their exsistence. I think it is right that most creation myths start with her.  An ADF ritual’s first offering is often to the Earth Mother, and this is proper.  Just as life starts with the Earth, so should our rituals. She upholds us, and all we do.

Spring and early summer...The only thing I want to do is to sit on the grass and watch the world spin.  This is also the time of year when my depression seems to always hit hardest.  I sometimes think that it is because the weather is so unpredictable.  One day it will be glorious enough to make me want to praise life. The next day it will be cold and a dark that is made all the worse for having had such a beautiful day preceding it.  Other times I think it is because I can’t do what I want. Let’s face it, the kids can’t quite take care of themselves yet...okay, neither can the house or animals. I find I tend to get very distracted by the roller coaster of wants verses needs. Now that things have calmed down a tad, I can find the balance needed to reconnect with my spiritual work.  

Spiritual work really is hard work. It takes discipline and commitment.  It is worth the time and energy.  I know this in my head and heart, but for what ever reason that doesn’t seem to stop me from putting down the labor of growth from time to time. I find my depression is magnified when I let this side of my life go by the way side.  While I know this, it seems to make it all the harder to pick the work back up again. Maybe it is guilt? I get trapped in a miasma of inertia that spins me further down, till all I want is to sleep.  Maybe this is my body’s way of getting me ready for a huge growth spurt on the spiritual/emotional side, but mostly I think it is just a cycle that needs to be broken.  


I am proud of myself for not letting my trance work slip this time, but my divination progress is officially in the dumps and in desperate need of jumper cables. If you have been following this blog, you may have noticed my writing went a bit by the way side as well.  Writing has been difficult, because I couldn’t seem to force myself to sit long enough to get anything down.  It is time to find my voice again.  It is time for me to get up off my lazy ass and get to work.