I have always been fairly good at keeping at least a light trance during ritual work. This time the trance aspect was much more pronounced. I felt almost about to enter that state of trance that tends to better described as visions of a dream like quality. I felt my vision blur at times, but I never seemed go quite that deep, like something was holding me back.
I had four Gods in particular that I wanted to speck with: Athena, Dionysus, Hera, and Hades. I asked each in turn if they had a message for me that I needed to hear, and then dew the omens.
Dionysus gave me the reverse Goose ( and, no, this isn't him pinching my boobs as opposed to my ass, but instead the animal... silly people). This one hurt to see. The meaning of this card is that I have been too overly concerned with my rights, possessions, and territory. He has been calling me to give up control to him for some time, and I keep saying, "Later." I don't think, "Later," is going to cut it anymore. I thought maybe I would dare asking for further clarification on the matter, in hopes that I had read it wrong. He gave me the Stag in reverse. The Stag in reverse symbolizes a need to examine where pride is either helping or hindering. It also can be drawn as a sign for sacrifice, or purification. The guide adds, "...perhaps through a letting-go of unnecessary possessions or emotional attachments." His were the only animal cards I drew, the rest came from the Plant Oracle (For those who don't know, I mix the two decks into one large one. I really like how it works with them combined.)
"...in time you may well look back and realize how much your life has changed because of this one, seemingly small, act... Until now your understanding or perspective on a situation has been impaired, perhaps through lack of emotional distance. But now it is as if a veil has been drawn aside and unmistakeable clarity has emerged."
What has entered my life during this ritual may seem small, but it will grow, and become something amazing.
Hera gave me Burdock in reverse. This is a card of blame and the need to end the cycle that I tend to fall into. It is so easy to blame others or myself for every little thing that goes wrong. I need to stop blaming, find what has gone wrong, or right, find out why, and deal accordingly. The image of the Goose hissing keeps attacking itself to this card in my mind's eye.
Hades gave me flowers. Not just any flowers, but the soothing and calming Chamomile. This is card of rest, calm, and mostly protection. He is calling me to reconnect with my body and soul in ways that will allow for healing and regeneration. My time at the Fellowship has been wonderful. It feels good to be the go-to person when things need to be done, but at the same time I have been feeling rather disconnected from the group spiritually. I feel burned out and ready to step back. I have found myself not wanting to go on Sunday mornings, because it is just one more thing I need to do. It is time for me to take a step back before I find myself walking out the door to never return. I've known this for some time. I am now taking those steps that are needed so that I may rest and rebuild my own spirituality.
The need to create this space with my Gods was something I think I have needed for some time now, but was either ignoring, or not recognizing. Group work is powerful, but I needed this deeper work to be just between us, and with no human on-lookers. My daily prayers and meditations are good, but sometimes more is needed. I am thinking I need to set time aside to do this more regularly. Okay, what Druid in their right minds doesn't want more ritual in their lives?