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What I needed

5/17/2012

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Last night started with a strong urge and desire for ritual.  I felt the desperate need for spiritual connection with my Gods in a more intense way then the  daily candle lighting with prayer. Lately, I have been feeling as if they want something from me, but I have been unsure what.  I made some whole wheat pita bread, bought a pomegranate, grabbed the alcohol, and the Queen of Heaven incense for offerings.  I followed the full Core Order of Ritual, and asked Hecate to be my gatekeeper.  I figured that I was calling for something rather important, and that meant  a full scale ritual was in order. Form the start, things felt extremely intense. I felt the Theoi were giving me the look of, "About time." 

 I have always been fairly good at keeping at least a light trance during ritual work. This time the trance aspect was much more pronounced.  I felt almost  about to enter that state of trance that tends to better described as visions of a dream like quality.  I felt my vision blur at times, but I never seemed go quite that deep, like something was holding me back.  

I had four Gods in particular that I wanted to speck with: Athena, Dionysus, Hera, and Hades. I asked each in turn if they had a message for me that I needed to hear, and then dew the omens.

Dionysus gave me the reverse Goose ( and, no, this isn't him pinching my boobs as opposed to my ass, but instead the animal... silly people). This one hurt to see.  The meaning of this card is that I have been too overly concerned with my rights, possessions, and territory.  He has been calling me to give up control to him for some time, and I keep saying, "Later."  I don't think, "Later," is going to cut it anymore.  I thought maybe I would dare asking for further clarification on the matter, in hopes that I had read it wrong.  He gave me the Stag in reverse. The Stag in reverse symbolizes a need to examine where pride is either helping or hindering. It also can be drawn as a sign for sacrifice, or purification.  The guide adds, "...perhaps through a letting-go of unnecessary possessions or emotional attachments." His were the only animal cards I drew, the rest came from the Plant Oracle (For those who don't know, I mix the two decks into one large one.  I really like how it works with them combined.)

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Athena gave me the Fir Club Moss.  My sweet Lady gave me a true gift with this card. This card is a sign of something that is starting small, but will grow to great power and usefulness. It is a card of initiation.

"...in time you may well look back and realize how much your life has changed because of this one, seemingly small, act... Until now your understanding or perspective on a situation has been impaired, perhaps through lack of emotional distance.  But now it is as if a veil has been drawn aside and unmistakeable clarity has emerged."

What has entered my life during this ritual may seem small, but it will grow, and become something amazing.

Hera gave me Burdock in reverse. This is a card of blame and the need to end the cycle that I tend to fall into.  It is so easy to blame others or myself for every little thing that goes wrong.  I need to stop blaming, find what has gone wrong, or right, find out why, and deal accordingly. The image of the Goose hissing keeps attacking itself to this card in my mind's eye.

Hades gave me flowers. Not just any flowers, but the soothing and calming Chamomile. This is card of rest, calm, and mostly protection. He is calling me to reconnect with my body and soul in ways that will allow for healing and regeneration.  My time at the Fellowship has been wonderful. It feels good to be the go-to person when things need to be done, but at the same time I have been feeling rather disconnected from the group spiritually. I feel burned out and ready to step back.  I have found myself not wanting to go on Sunday mornings, because it is just one more thing I need to do.  It is time for me to take a step back before I find myself walking out the door to never return. I've known this for some time. I am now taking those steps that are needed so that I may rest and rebuild my own spirituality. 

The need to create this space with my Gods  was something I think I have needed for some time now, but was either ignoring, or not recognizing.  Group work is powerful, but I needed this deeper work to be just between us, and with no human on-lookers. My daily prayers and meditations are good, but sometimes more is needed.  I am thinking I need to set time aside to do this more regularly.  Okay, what Druid in their right minds doesn't want more ritual in their lives?

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Finding My Gods

11/28/2011

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For a long time it was hard for me to connect with an entire pantheon of any given culture.  There were a few Deities here and there that I had a relationship with in most of the cultural pantheons, such as Loki and Freya in the Norse, and Brid and Cerridwyn in the Celtic. Despite those few connections, contact with the whole cultural group of Deities from the various cultures seemed to be roped off from me.  

In a last attempt to try to connect with a deeper spirituality, I bought Ian Corrigan’s, “The Book of Nine Moons.”  A month later, I found out he was going to be leading an on-line group discussion about the book. It seemed like perfect timing, as I felt a little group help might be in order. He was kind enough to allow me into his discussion group, even though I had yet to turn in my DP (this essay looked much different then, and trust me it wasn’t a happy tone).  The program was based on a daily practice more intense than the one I was currently following, as well as full day intensive retreats once a month. The retreats helped to establish a stronger and much deeper daily practice, and served to make me feel even more home sick for a pantheon of Deities that I felt connected to.  I did get a very good foundation of how to interact with the Nature Spirit through this program.  I also felt myself pushed to find better ways to come to understand and to work with my ancestors. Even with these two legs of the three Kindreds becoming more intimate in my life, the Divine leg was still a struggle. I continued to feel that lack of connection to the Celtic Deities that were the focus of that program.  There were moments in which I wondered what I was doing that was so wrong as to get silence back, but I do believe that my time of struggle helped me to make myself a little more visible for the Shining ones.
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During this time in my life I was not only struggling with the Divine, but over how best to educate my children.  The local public school system was beginning to show itself to not be the best fit for our children, but I was afraid of doing great harm in taking them out of that system to homeschool.  I was praying and doing trance work to try and find an answer, and offering sacrifices of flame and incense. It was during this time of desperation and confusion that Athena approached me, and gave the best advice I could have ever asked for. She told me how to be mindful of where my children were on the path of growing into adults. She instructed me to just watch and listen.  By following her advice I would see what would be best for both of them. I thanked her and when I woke up the next morning, I gave an offering of olive oil to her.  That next night she came again while I was doing my trance work.  Her words came like a drink of cold water after a long hard day of work in the middle of the summer sun.

“You are looking for a door.  That door is me, and you are mine.”   

It is so hard to explain the excitement I felt when I “heard” those words. I felt as if I had been swept up into the sky and couldn’t fall.  Having her in my life seemed such a natural extension of who I am.  I am surprised I didn’t feel a connection with her sooner.  I immediately began to consider myself hers.  Over the next few days others from the Hellenic pantheon began to step forward and make themselves known.  I went from having a pitiful and depressing time in trying to connect, to a flood of acceptance from all of them. It was shortly after this that the way I viewed myself and my religion begin to change. This is also when I started the binge on every book or website I could find that was connected to the Greek Gods. In the process I found the wonderful, “Gods and heroes of the ancient world,” book series.  This amazing series is written by various classics professors and researchers.  Each book takes on an individual Deity and how they have been seen and worshiped in the past, and how they continue to influence our culture today. These books gave me a foundation from which to approach these beautiful beings as well as how best to honor them. I started, as I bet anyone reading this could guess, with, “Athena,” by Susan Deacy.  Everyday since, one or more of the Hellenic deities has come into my thoughts, bringing new insight into them and my connection with them.

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    Author

    Amanda Thomas is the Grove Organizer for the Ad Astra Grove.  She also serves on the Topeka Interfaith Council.

    Hera Lakeshore is a practicing druid and contributor to the Ad Astra Grove blog.

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